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Sunday, December 22, 2013

Confession. It's time

It's a biblical command.
It's good for the soul.
And so... 

A car came into my lane and hit me head on going 40 mph.
Could God have prevented the accident? Yes. But He didn't.
Did God save my life? Yes. I absolutely know that He did.
The man that hit me had no drivers license. It was suspended months ago because he had no insurance. I don't like anything about that. And yet...before I knew any of this, his wife came to the emergency room to tell me that he was sorry and I was blessed.

So now what? 

Is God doing something in the heart of the man who hit me? Will he be held accountable?
Does God have plans for me in the still and quiet season that He set-apart for me while my bones heal.  
I believe the answer to all of these questions is, "Yes."

I don't like the way the pain medication makes me feel. But I hurt and my muscles are sore so I take it. I am irritated and I have no patience. Give me patience Lord.

I pray for Grace. I need lots. I need it for myself. I need it for my husband. He needs it for me. I need it for everyone who loves me and everyone who loves me needs it for me. I am thankful that God gives it in abundance. 

In that abundance, I will find my Euchristeo praise. 

I reel with frustration. I feel helpless, old, weary and weak.
Going to the bathroom, getting something to eat, just getting out of bed is a challenge. 
I see the scars on my husbands face and neck where large chunks of basil cell cancer have been cut from him in the last two weeks and I feel sick.

And yet...I walk in a season of communion with the Lord like I have never known. I have new eyes.  Spiritual eyes. I see God everywhere. I feel his presence. I really feel it.   

I draw and paint. I hold chalk between my fingers and I see a miracle on the paper. It took a huge step of faith to jump head first into a place I knew nothing about, but now, in the simple act of obedience, I get to see a miracle. 

So I acknowledge God's power and presence in a gift he placed in me for his purpose and my great joy. I can't explain it. There are no words. 

But I know. I see. And I praise.

So I will settle into this place on my "Glory Road" in faith. I trust God's plan. He has proven that he is trustworthy and so even as I struggle and whine and cry, I will also praise. 
    I remind myself of what Jesus took to the cross for me and my portion of suffering becomes inconsequential. I will be restored. 
    And every day I look at the book on my nightstand, "Nineteen days," about the life of Samuel Parkins who died five years ago on Christmas eve but I can't read the book. 
     I know the story. I know what God did through Dan's blog of this time, but the family is precious to us and I know their suffering. I think I don't want to remember.
     Mine is nothing. 
     So it is in this place of perspective that I will settle in. Jesus died for me. God saved my life when the man without a license hit me head on. And God has great plans for the short life of Samuel Parkins. 
     May my confession help me walk in the will of my Father. May it be filled with the hope of the Gospel, and may it glorify and bring praise to a God who is present, powerful, and worthy. 

     I love you Lord.     

Ezra 10:11
Now then make confession to the Lord, the God of your fathers and do his will.

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

Daniel 9:4 I prayed to the Lord my God and made confession, saying, “O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments.