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Saturday, May 19, 2012

a piece of paper on my floor...

     About 2 years ago God assigned me a job. The job description wasn't cut and dried but it had a title that I could work with. I knew the only training I would get would come from God or from the strength and instruction he gave me, (but what better teacher, right?)
     Like all new jobs, there was fear of failure. (Talk about pressure. God would be my boss.) But, like any new job, there was also the excitement in the opportunity. Lot's of it. (Hadn't he chose me for this position after all?) So...I told people I'd been hired and I jumped in with enthusiasm. After a rocky start, the next six months flew by. The job practically did itself.
     Then a few trials came. Then, a few more. My life got really hard and the job got seriously tough. Sooo,... I quit.
     Several months passed and since I hadn't really talked about quitting my job a few people asked about it. "It was fine." I said. I was vague.
     I need to finish this, I thought. Lots of people knew I had started. I could do this. I could so do this. I'd been trained. I'd been trained well. I could do this job with my eyes closed. I was gonna finish.
     I got busy writing the job description for the second half. Piece a cake. No problem. I was all over it.
     Then God stopped me. "I'm sorry. I really love you, but I'm not happy with your job description. I'm sending you on a vacation. Go back to your life and keep your eyes and heart on me. I'll let you know when it's time to come back."
     Fine, Lord. That's just fine with me, I thought. I have more on my plate right now then I can handle now anyway. So,  I laid it down, and I walked away. That was about seven months ago.
     On Wed. night I passed on small group. I had been placed on a jury. A felony criminal jury. Two days of jury selection and one day of really hard testimony. I was spent. I needed a shower and some quiet time alone with God.    
     When I got out of the shower and stepped into my bedroom, I froze. On the floor, right in front of me beside my bed was a piece of paper. I knew this piece of paper because I had written the words on the page. I did not know where it had come from. I had not seen it in over a year.
     The hair on my arms stood up and I tightened the towel I was wearing. At the exact moment fear began to rise up inside me, I knew the truth. This was supernatural. A supernatural act of God.
     I walked around the paper three times, staring at it but afraid to touch it. I picked up my Iphone and took of it for proof later that it hadn't been a dream.
     On the floor was the dedication page to my bible study. My sister's name was on it, as were the editing marks of my friend Peggy. I text-ed them both the picture.
     "I found this on the floor when I came out of the shower. I'm alone. Haven't seen this in almost a year. Thought you both should know."
     One replied with, "Maybe the Holy Spirit wants you to pray for us."
     I can do that, I thought. I can totally do that. And I did."
     The other said, "Omg!  God is telling you something big here. Wow."
     Yes, I thought, He certainly is.

          I have felt God's gentle nudgings about getting back to this task more than once. "Is that you, Lord? Hmmm... I'm not so sure." I was thinking about my busy life. I had just started the garden and school was almost out. I would be working full-time soon. I told myself it wasn't Gods prompting.  He said I would "Know" when it was time.
     Well...He was right.
     Sometimes God speaks to us through the old testament stories with words he spoke to Moses. Sometimes, God speaks to us through dreams and visions just the way he did with the bible prophets. He certainly speaks to us through the actions of our Savior, Jesus.
     Sometimes his voice is just a quiet one inside our spirit.
     God may not be going before us with a cloud of fire, parting the red sea, or laying manna at our feet. But there are times, like on Wed. night, that God speaks supernaturally to us through a piece of paper that he puts on the floor.
     If you're ready, I'm ready, Lord. Help me finish this job...

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Two little girls and supernatural love...

     The day a certain little four year old walked into through the door of Husky Club, God knit her into my heart.  Her name is Cynthia, and I love for her from the moment we met.
     It was a supernatural thing, and seeing her sent me reeling back in time.
     I was suddenly back in my living room in Oklahoma with another little 4-year-old girl I had loved. My niece Tiffany. She stayed with me for a season while my sister was at work and she took her immediate and rightful place into my heart and into my family.
     Cynthia had the same haircut as Tiff at that age. They had the same huge brown eyes, precocious nature, and awkward clumsiness, and a huge vocabulary.
    And, just like Tiffany, Cynthia's father had walked away, leaving her broken.
     I see God's heart so very clearly in this. It is not a coincidence. God knew that I would fall in love with Tiffany. He also knew that many years later a little girl named Cynthia would waltz into it and I would fall in love with her as well.
     God knew that Cynthia and her mother would need someone to love them. He chose me for this and knew what it would take to draw my heart to this precious child. The love that had already blossomed in my heart for the first little girl would draw me into a love for the second.
     Cynthia spends the night with Paul and I from time to time just like Tiffany did. The last time was a week ago and I still haven't put her bed away.
     Last Friday morning Cynthia was unusually quiet as I drove her the 40 miles to school.          When I glanced in the rear view mirror to check on her, I also saw Tiffany sitting there, and God's quiet voice laid a word on my spirit. "Remember?" he asked.
     Quiet tears ran down my cheeks for the remainder of the drive as God reminded me of the prayers I had prayed for Tiffany over the years. And I suddenly knew that he had heard every cry of her heart. I felt his love for her, and he reminded me of His promises for her life. He reminded me where she'd been and what he'd done. A marriage. New jobs. A new home. Answered prayers, promises kept, new life, redemption, and so much more to come. He reminded me of the words he whispered to me just a few weeks before.
     I pulled into the school wiping tears off my cheeks, and as I opened the door for the little girl who sat in the back of my car, my smile was full and deep.
     Cynthia's hand was inside mine as we walked to the classroom, but between them, in that small space that held us together was so much more. There was faith for her life inside our hands. There was hope for God's promises over it.
     When I got home that night I sent Tiffany a text telling her that God had spoken to me about her life that day. That I felt his love for her, and that he reminded me of his promises for redemption over her life.
     Right after I sent the text, I opened an email from my sister, Kay, Tiffany's mother, telling me that Tiff had located her grandmother and grandfather. These were people Tiffany had never met. They were 94 and 97 and she would be meeting with them this week.
     My tears began all over again so humbled by God's presence and power. Why am I still so surprised, I wondered.  Isn't this who God is? Isn't this what God does? Wasn't he just reminding me of these promises that very morning because he knew how much I loved my niece?
     In that moment, God's love for ME overwhelmed my spirit and I heard his quiet promises to me again.  "I am your redeemer. I transform hearts and breath new life."
     Tiffany was with her father's parents tonight for the very first time.
     Can you see my smile? It is full and deep!