I spend the morning alone unpacking suitcases, sorting laundry, and mopping dirty floors. I do it with praise and know I am blessed. After back to back weeks of travel and a workweek ahead, this is my time.
I load the wash and remember Reed, not yet one, standing in the laundry room sink beside me. I clean the toilet in the guest bath, see myself on the floor beside Jude, and remember all the bathrooms I've sat beside toilets in while babies learned to potty.
I turn corners, go up stairs, and everywhere are marks and memories. Every knock and fingerprint, and mouth smudge hold a story. I vacuum as the living room fills with a brother and sisters, grandsons, nieces, nephews and puppies. On the glass porch door I see Onyx's lick marks and picture Paul curled in a Tug Chase pile by the fire. Our Michael hangs from the ceiling beam.
A chest in the office is covered with marked up Bibles and studies that still make me weep and I know God.
I paused today on the stair my Mother fell to when we got the call her baby brother Bill, had died, and I can hear her cry out.
I add tea bags to a pot for my Kombucha and see Gus sitting at the window crying for Garrett. But now it is Cali who sits and cries.
I see Chandler dance across the kitchen floor and sing with a smile as big as the sun and I stand at the sink and know her heartache. I remember the words she spoke to me in this very spot and how the truth of them made me weep uncontrollably.
Outside in the yard I see weddings, celebrations, tables, flowers, families, children, and I hear worship, laughter, prayer and praise.
I smell ReAnnon's cooking and see her nursing baby boys from almost every room as Paul passes by windows on his tractor. We grieve babies that were lost and yet life goes on and still Paul passes by the windows on his tractor.
A back porch holds a daughters heart and the songs of a Mamo and three baby boys.
Under the stairs is a tiny room with pillows and books and broken horses.
Outside is a sanctuary. A garden gift of miracles. A meeting place where I listen and pray and know.
Praise, tears, death and life.
It is Mothers Day and I know God and I know love.