My daughter and son-in-law moved back to Mammoth from San Diego after Garrett had taken a job as an engineer for Mono Co. I was so excited about having them close. I was extra excited because I knew they were ready to start a family and I couldn't wait to become a grandmother and have a baby in my arms again.
Shortly after this, a good friend of our family got pregnant. And not long after that, I had a vivid dream. Actually, it was a vision. It was simple and beautiful picture, yet very clear.
A little boy with dark curls sat down in green grass. His back was bare, and the sun highlighted him just so. That was it. That was the whole thing. But I knew that God had shown it to me.
Abby and Matt, (our friends who were pregnant), went to church with all of us. They both had very curly hair. Abby's was blonde and Matt's was dark. I don't think they knew the sex of their baby, so I told Abby, "I think you're having a boy. I had a vision of a dark curly headed boy sitting in the grass, and I don't know anyone else who is pregnant."
Nissi was born shortly after. A beautiful and perfect little girl with straight blonde hair. It had not been Nissi in my vision.
When ReAnnon got pregnant, my heart swelled. I couldn't wait to hold their baby in my arms. I remembered the vision God had given me. They both have dark hair. ReAnnon's is thick and straight, but Garrett's is very curly. It's their baby. I thought with joy. It has to be.
Jude Paul Higerd was born about 6 months later. He was big and blonde. His hair was straight. He was not the boy in my vision either. But not of it mattered because I was so full of joy. My heart burst with a new kind of love, and life went on. As it did, the vision of the boy with the curls in the grass drifted away.
After Jude was born, ReAnnon and Garrett has two miscarriages. When she got pregnant for the third time, ReAnnon's doctor told her to prepare for the worst. She spoke at a woman's conference at our church during this time about their struggles, and I remember weeping over her declaration of Faith. She stated that she and Garrett would be thankful for the baby in her womb for every day God let them have it. There were tears.
Our church was also open during this time for evening prayer. So Paul and I went one night. I remember laying prostrate on the floor and begging God to let them have this baby. "Please, Lord." I cried.
I had forgotten all about the vision during this season of sorrow until God showed it to me again that night. As I prayed, the vision returned. He showed it to me again that night as I lay on the floor at church. There he was. I saw him. The little boy with the curly hair sitting in green grass. I had a renewed faith as I left there that night, but I held tight to my vision. I kept it inside my heart alone and thought, What if I was wrong. What if it wasn't from God? What if it was just a silly dream?
But in my spirit, I cried. "Yes, Lord. Yes!"
Reed Phillip Higerd was born about 7 months later. He had dark hair. The first time I saw him his tiny curls were stuck to his head. Our family was so full of joy. I was crying when I saw him. "He has curls," I said, "He has tiny curls."
It's funny how the things of God, so powerful and full of truth at the time, can fade away with the process of day to day life. If we don't plant those memorial stones, if we don't go back and rest on them, if we don't remember and tell their stories, they can simply disappear.
I knew after Reed was born that he was the child in my vision and my praise to God for that truth was full and deep. But it wasn't until I saw it, the exact picture, the image in my vision, that I realized how big and real God truly is.
Reed was about two I think, and Jude was four. ReAnnon was pregnant with Gideon. It was summer. It was hot. We were playing outside. It was late in the afternoon.
I think the boys were spending the night and I remember being tired. They were running around in the back yard, and I was thinking about dinner.
And then, suddenly, Reed sat down in the grass. His bare back was facing me. His dark curls shining as the sun hit him just so. In that moment, I fell to my knees. I fell to me knees and I cried.
Right in front of me was the promise in a vision God had given almost five years before. And in that moment I so full of love and gratitude and knowing. God had showed me something long before it's time. But in God's perfect time, it was everything.
I learned some things through this season of my life. One of them was this.
I don't ever want to miss out, or discount, or forget something God has said to me or showed me. His timing may be different than ours, but His reasons and His love and His care are perfect.
ReAnnon's and Garrett's story goes far beyond this one. There was much more heartache. More babies in Heaven. Gideon, their third son, was my husband Paul's redemption story and I know that God has been inside all their heartbreak and tears, and I believe their story will be shared by them one day.
I cant know, but I can imagine, as ReAnnon's mother, the loss and heartache she and Garrett suffered when I look at the necklace she wears. It is filled with the birthstones of all the babies they lost. The ones they'll meet and hold in Heaven.
Until then, they are living an incredibly full and busy life parenting the three most amazing young men in the world with wisdom, love, and Grace. Their boys are strong, smart, funny, talented, athletic and amazing. Paul and I get to see them soon.
Until then, I will hold tight to who God is, what He does, and how He loves. Because ReAnnon and Garrett are planting their own memorial stones. They are walking through their own redemption stories. And I...
I will get to hold all their babies in Heaven too.
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