4:10 am, Wed.

     I woke up with words stirring deep in my spirit. I opened my eyes. I was foggy and the words weren't completely clear yet, but I knew that God was telling me something. What is it, I wondered as I 
      sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I thought hard. "I am your Redeemer." Yes, I thought I remember now. I felt for stool, stepped to the floor. There's more, I thought, walking to the bathroom. I repeated the words. "I am your Redeemer." What else? There was something else. "I transform hearts and breath new life." Yes, that it. I thought and I said them out loud. :I transform hearts and breath new life."

      Still sleepy, I sat on the side of the bed for another moment before sliding back in. I whispered the words out loud again. "I am your redeemer. I transform hearts and breath new life.

     Paul stirred and reached out for me. "Did you say something?" 

     No. Just mumbling. I lied back down, but sleep did not come.

      I sat back up, lifted my phone off the bedside table and got out of bed again. "You okay, honey?"

Paul asked sleepily. 
      "I'm fine." I told him. "I'll be right back."
     Sitting in the moonlit kitchen, I opened a text box to myself and typed,  "I am your Redeemer. I transform hearts and breath new life." It was 4:12 am.
     I had a long day in front of me, and now that I'd placed God's words in a safe place to remember, maybe sleep would come.
     I went back upstairs and found Paul staring out the bedroom window. "Did you see this moon?" He asked. The light coming in lit up his face.
     "No." I said, "But the kitchen was really bright."  Still holding my phone, I stood beside him and looked. Clouds were moving across the moon. They were shifting its size and light around. I realized then I wanted a closer look. "I'm going outside to take a picture," I told him. "I'll be back in a minute. "

     When I stepped outside, the moon was behind a tree and there was a rainbow prism around it. 

It was beautiful, so I sat there with them both. Gods words and his gift of the moon. We sat together until the light came.

     A few hours later my daughter joined me in the kitchen and a regular conversation soon turned very serious. Her eyes filled with tears. "You left me alone a lot, Mom. I was alone a lot." I heard real pain in her voice and knew that she had said similar words before, but never like this.
     The last thing a mother wants to hear is how her child got wounded by decisions she made. My response was quick and there was offense in it. "You weren't alone. You were at the ski lodge with us, you were at home with your brother and sister, we did the best we could. You just need to forgive me."
     She stood up and started to leave the room.  I called out, "Really? You're walking away? I ask you to forgive me and you're walking away?"
     In the same moment I spoke those words, God turned me inside out and showed me my heart. My words had not come from a place of true repentance. I had not asked for her forgiveness, I had justified my own actions. My heart was not pure.
    I hurried down the hall after her. I wanted a second chance. I wanted to do it better.
    She told me to leave her alone.
    I went back to the kitchen and began to weep. My cry turned deep and long and loud. I couldn't stop it. It's hard to describe what was happening, but I was feeling her loneliness. All the time she spent at the hotel with Paul and I while we worked, she really was alone. All the time at home with her older brother and sister, she felt alone too. God was showing she how she felt, and I was grieving.
     When I felt her hand on my shoulder I turned and hugged her tighter than I had in my entire life. "I'm sorry," I said, wailing with the words, "I'm so sorry that you felt so alone."
     She let me hug her for a long time, and when I let her go we separated silently.
     I went upstairs trying to regain control. I couldn't remember the last time I had cried like that, but suddenly, the words God spoke to me at 4:10 that morning took on new meaning. He knew this was coming, and His promises were for Chandler too. "I am your Redeemer. I transform hearts and breath new life."
     I began to to cry all over again.
     It was an hour before the quiet tears stopped completely, but by the time I got in the car to head for a long afternoon with the kids at Husky Club, I felt peace.
      My tears washed my spirit and with His words imprinted deep inside me, I walked into work with a lighter step.
     I believed that the hardest part of my day was done, but there was more.  I have co-workers who I genuinely love. Our job is to walk side by side guiding and teaching little ones, but God also knitted our hearts together for his purpose. We walk out real life together. We talk about the tough stuff and give praise for the blessings. We know each other well. We laugh, we cry, and we pray!
     One of these beautiful woman has heartbreaking struggles with her son and I had also had a few heartbreaking struggles with mine. It was late in the afternoon that we both became part of a tough episode in her son's life.
    After all was said and done, God reminded me of his words he gave me that morning, and I believed he wanted me to share them with my friend, because they were her words too. I sent them to her via text. "I am your redeemer. I transform hearts and breath new life."
    God held five hearts in his hands that day with the promise of those 4:10 am words.  And they are words I have shared many times since. We all go through life facing challenges and some simply break our hearts. But God's promises are true and He reminded me of that very early that morning. God does redeem lives, and, he takes our broken hearts and transforms them.  This I know is true, and I will always and forever be grateful for that.