This life of faith simply brings me to my knees. My soul cries out!
Please read about the Parkins family journey and join me in intercessory prayer. Their trials go beyond any human understanding, but Dan's story is the most beautiful testimony of God being glorified through trials that I have ever seen. Go onto his blog and read it in his own words. You don't want to miss out on what God is doing in this place. You really dont!
http://danielparkins.wordpress.com/2012/07/14/a-dark-tunnel/
www.facebook.com/Daydreams.Dan.Parkins
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
"Then Sings my soul." part Two
I knew God would have some gems for me and he did not disappoint. As I went through the index of songs, (300 total), I searched for the ones I grew up singing. My excitement grew as I found them one by one.
Paul listened to me sing a few more stanzas of my favorites, and let me share some stories. This one made me laugh.
The song, "A mighty fortress is our God," was written by Martin Luther. This surprised me, (not really sure why), but my smile came in the knowledge that this song was a staple in the Catholic church I grew up in. (Still smiling.) He based it on the 46th Psalm and reflects Luther's awareness of our intense struggle with Satan. As I sang the next line to my audience of one, it carried all the passion I'd had as a child. "A bulwark never failing." Then I laughed as I realized I had absolutely no idea was a bulwark was. I don't think I ever asked anyone, maybe I did. If I did, I don't remember, so I looked it up. ("Bulwark: a wall of earth built for defense) Makes perfect sense now, right?
The next song that struck a deep chord in me, "Now Thank We All Our God," is based on 1Thessalonians 5:18 and Colossians 3:17. The next line says, "With heart and hands and voices." Wow, Lord. This was written by a Lutheran Pastor in 1636, and is considered one of the few but rich hymns devoted exclusively to thanking God.
The song, "Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord God Almighty," was written 1826 and based on Revelation 4:8. "Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee."
"Crown Him with many Crowns, the lamb upon his throne. Hark how the heavenly anthem drowns all music but its own. Awake my soul and sing, of Him who died for thee. And hail him as thy matchless King, Through all eternity." This was written in 1851 and based on Rev. 19:12.
"Onward Christian soldiers marching as to war, With the cross of Jesus going on before. Christ the royal master, Leads against the foe, Forward into battle, See his banners go." Written in 1865 and based on 2 Chronicles 20:17.
I will end with the song that makes me weep. I can't remember getting through it without tears. The story behind this song is great and long, so I will leave you with just one thing. In the New York Crusade of 1957, (this is the year I was born) it was sung by Bev Shea ninety-nine times, with the choir joining in the majestic refrain. "Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee, How great Thou art! How Great thou art!
Paul listened to me sing a few more stanzas of my favorites, and let me share some stories. This one made me laugh.
The song, "A mighty fortress is our God," was written by Martin Luther. This surprised me, (not really sure why), but my smile came in the knowledge that this song was a staple in the Catholic church I grew up in. (Still smiling.) He based it on the 46th Psalm and reflects Luther's awareness of our intense struggle with Satan. As I sang the next line to my audience of one, it carried all the passion I'd had as a child. "A bulwark never failing." Then I laughed as I realized I had absolutely no idea was a bulwark was. I don't think I ever asked anyone, maybe I did. If I did, I don't remember, so I looked it up. ("Bulwark: a wall of earth built for defense) Makes perfect sense now, right?
The next song that struck a deep chord in me, "Now Thank We All Our God," is based on 1Thessalonians 5:18 and Colossians 3:17. The next line says, "With heart and hands and voices." Wow, Lord. This was written by a Lutheran Pastor in 1636, and is considered one of the few but rich hymns devoted exclusively to thanking God.
The song, "Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord God Almighty," was written 1826 and based on Revelation 4:8. "Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee."
"Crown Him with many Crowns, the lamb upon his throne. Hark how the heavenly anthem drowns all music but its own. Awake my soul and sing, of Him who died for thee. And hail him as thy matchless King, Through all eternity." This was written in 1851 and based on Rev. 19:12.
"Onward Christian soldiers marching as to war, With the cross of Jesus going on before. Christ the royal master, Leads against the foe, Forward into battle, See his banners go." Written in 1865 and based on 2 Chronicles 20:17.
I will end with the song that makes me weep. I can't remember getting through it without tears. The story behind this song is great and long, so I will leave you with just one thing. In the New York Crusade of 1957, (this is the year I was born) it was sung by Bev Shea ninety-nine times, with the choir joining in the majestic refrain. "Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee, How great Thou art! How Great thou art!
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
Death brings new life...
Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:19 ESV)
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:19 ESV)
Saturday, May 19, 2012
a piece of paper on my floor...
Like all new jobs, there was fear of failure. (Talk about pressure. God would be my boss.) But, like any new job, there was also the excitement in the opportunity. Lot's of it. (Hadn't he chose me for this position after all?) So...I told people I'd been hired and I jumped in with enthusiasm. After a rocky start, the next six months flew by. The job practically did itself.
Then a few trials came. Then, a few more. My life got really hard and the job got seriously tough. Sooo,... I quit.
Several months passed and since I hadn't really talked about quitting my job a few people asked about it. "It was fine." I said. I was vague.
I need to finish this, I thought. Lots of people knew I had started. I could do this. I could so do this. I'd been trained. I'd been trained well. I could do this job with my eyes closed. I was gonna finish.
I got busy writing the job description for the second half. Piece a cake. No problem. I was all over it.
Then God stopped me. "I'm sorry. I really love you, but I'm not happy with your job description. I'm sending you on a vacation. Go back to your life and keep your eyes and heart on me. I'll let you know when it's time to come back."
Fine, Lord. That's just fine with me, I thought. I have more on my plate right now then I can handle now anyway. So, I laid it down, and I walked away. That was about seven months ago.
On Wed. night I passed on small group. I had been placed on a jury. A felony criminal jury. Two days of jury selection and one day of really hard testimony. I was spent. I needed a shower and some quiet time alone with God.
When I got out of the shower and stepped into my bedroom, I froze. On the floor, right in front of me beside my bed was a piece of paper. I knew this piece of paper because I had written the words on the page. I did not know where it had come from. I had not seen it in over a year.
The hair on my arms stood up and I tightened the towel I was wearing. At the exact moment fear began to rise up inside me, I knew the truth. This was supernatural. A supernatural act of God.
I walked around the paper three times, staring at it but afraid to touch it. I picked up my Iphone and took of it for proof later that it hadn't been a dream.
On the floor was the dedication page to my bible study. My sister's name was on it, as were the editing marks of my friend Peggy. I text-ed them both the picture.
"I found this on the floor when I came out of the shower. I'm alone. Haven't seen this in almost a year. Thought you both should know."
One replied with, "Maybe the Holy Spirit wants you to pray for us."
I can do that, I thought. I can totally do that. And I did."
The other said, "Omg! God is telling you something big here. Wow."
Yes, I thought, He certainly is.
I have felt God's gentle nudgings about getting back to this task more than once. "Is that you, Lord? Hmmm... I'm not so sure." I was thinking about my busy life. I had just started the garden and school was almost out. I would be working full-time soon. I told myself it wasn't Gods prompting. He said I would "Know" when it was time.
Well...He was right.
Sometimes God speaks to us through the old testament stories with words he spoke to Moses. Sometimes, God speaks to us through dreams and visions just the way he did with the bible prophets. He certainly speaks to us through the actions of our Savior, Jesus.
Sometimes his voice is just a quiet one inside our spirit.
God may not be going before us with a cloud of fire, parting the red sea, or laying manna at our feet. But there are times, like on Wed. night, that God speaks supernaturally to us through a piece of paper that he puts on the floor.
If you're ready, I'm ready, Lord. Help me finish this job...
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Planting a heart-shaped memorial stone...Part One
I love the Old Testament picture of God’s people planting stones or building altars of remembrance. I picture Grandfathers gathering up children year after year as they settle in and snuggle. I see their eyes grow wide in amazement as the great and magnificent tales unfold.
We all have stories. Stories of miracles and suffering. Stories of great and remembrance. I value them, because when life gets hard, and it does, I need to remember.
I have walked in, or closely beside, miscarriages, infant death, rare disease, heart attacks, brain surgeries, a young girl who got lost in a snowstorm and ended up in heaven. A family ripped apart and forever changed by suicide.
Life can break our hearts and bring deep pain, yet God’s word shouts of the promises and redemption that comes through Jesus on the cross. He is present in it all. Human suffering, however, is still a very real deal. Life can get ugly and hard.
I have walked in, or closely beside, miscarriages, infant death, rare disease, heart attacks, brain surgeries, a young girl who got lost in a snowstorm and ended up in heaven. A family ripped apart and forever changed by suicide.
Life can break our hearts and bring deep pain, yet God’s word shouts of the promises and redemption that comes through Jesus on the cross. He is present in it all. Human suffering, however, is still a very real deal. Life can get ugly and hard.
The Bible tells us it will be, but it is difficult to “count it all as joy”, and understand “glory in suffering” when we feel as if we are drowning.
I struggle even now sharing a recent victory because I have close friends, people I love deeply still trapped chest high in raging waters. But I know God’s living power brings encouragement. It brings hope. It teaches faith.
I struggle even now sharing a recent victory because I have close friends, people I love deeply still trapped chest high in raging waters. But I know God’s living power brings encouragement. It brings hope. It teaches faith.
God doesn't talk with me the way He did with Moses, and I do not wake up with the miracle of the shimmery manna from heaven at my feet, but I have stories of memorial stones.
God speaks through his word, through the gospel of Jesus and through the Holy Spirit helper. God answers prayer. Lays words on our hearts. He heals. He imparts joy and He infuses hope.
I want to Rejoice in the things that have "not yet" come. I want to give Praise for the things "not yet" seen and "not yet" known because I have allowed the enemy to rob me. I let him talk me into taking my eyes off of God in hard places. I jumped into his band wagon instead of climbing into the lap of Jesus to hear my stories.
And now, because I don't ever want to give the enemy room in my heart to do that again, I plant a Memorial stone and have a story to tell.
God speaks through his word, through the gospel of Jesus and through the Holy Spirit helper. God answers prayer. Lays words on our hearts. He heals. He imparts joy and He infuses hope.
I want to Rejoice in the things that have "not yet" come. I want to give Praise for the things "not yet" seen and "not yet" known because I have allowed the enemy to rob me. I let him talk me into taking my eyes off of God in hard places. I jumped into his band wagon instead of climbing into the lap of Jesus to hear my stories.
And now, because I don't ever want to give the enemy room in my heart to do that again, I plant a Memorial stone and have a story to tell.
Monday, September 19, 2011
"You didn't think you were vulnerable." God words, not mine.
The Gospel message of grace is powerful, Jesus'death on the cross unfathomable, and the word of God is amazing yet heady stuff.
Over the last couple years I have been seeking God more intimately than ever before and as I dig deeper into Scripture I am more and more fascinated. As questions arise, and they constantly do, I am thankful for the work of Bible commentators and Bible teachers. But more than that, I am thankful for the fresh revelations that have come to me through the work of the Holy Spirit.
Without going into too much detail, I want to share something that happened recently as well as what God spoke to me in the process.
But, before I do, I need you to understand that I am not one of those people who gives the enemy more credit than he deserves and I have never been one to sit too long in the spiritual realm. Simply, I have never been comfortable there.
Here is an example. I have a friend who, when I ask her how she is, her answer is always that she is under attack by Satan. I pray for her. But my inward response is different. I don't usually say what I am thinking out loud, but it goes something like this. "Why does the enemy have so much power over you?! What are you reading, watching, saying? Where is your focus? Is your heart pure?
Then I would ask myself, Isn't it through our own sin that Satan gets his foot in the door in the first place?
Here is another example. Paul and I have other friends who travels to Africa frequently and pray for the natives to be free from bondage to the demonic. My skin starts to tingle just listening to the stories they tell, and I find myself silently saying, Thank you Jesus. Thank you that you haven't called me to that ministry. Here, I know, is where it might be time for me to examine my own heart.
I have another friend who has seen Angels. "I want that, Lord!" I said when she told me. Can you imagine? Then I find out that she also sometimes sees demons and my prayer instantly transformed. "Never mind about what I said, Lord." I told him. "If seeing Angels goes hand in hand with seeing the armies of Satan then I change my mind."
In my early years as a Christian I often walked blindly into things because of my desire to know God more. I went with women to conferences that I really knew nothing about and before I knew what was happening, I was right in the midst of things that simply did not feel right in my spirit and I did not want to be a part of them.
I began to wonder if something was wrong with me. There was, after all, a huge room full of women that thought everything going on around us was fine. In seeking answers to these uncomfortable things, I prayed fervently and started to study the Bible.
That is where I settled. It has been the one constant in my life. My desire to understand God's word and His truth has never waned. It is my center, and He continues to draw me back for more.
In my desire, God orchestrated what I needed and when I needed it. He has used them to draw me always back to Jesus, and breath new life into these broken dry bones.
Now that you have a little more of my history I'll share what brought me to write this post. Several months ago, I found myself in the presence of a woman who I had never seen and did not know but when she looked at me, the hair stood up on my arms. Something in my spirit stirred wildly, and I wanted to get as far from her as I could. This was a "church" event which made it all the more disconcerting. I couldn't shake it, and as the feeling lingered, I could do nothing but lay it down in prayer. "What was really weird, Lord. Really weird. What was that?"
It happened again months later when I saw the women a second time. This encounter was brief but just as powerful. I have not seen the woman again.
Now, it's a few months later, and in a casual conversation I am told about a woman who has been hired for a job. This job affects my life only indirectly. I did not know this person, and had never seen them at this point. (Sorry to be so vague, but I feel it's necessary.)
As this conversation continued, something happened. The best description I can give you is that something came on me. I got scared, and then enraged. It was powerful.
I felt out of control and crazy. I was in a very uncomfortable, unfamiliar place and yet, going off inside me along with the danger alarm, was a vague reminder that I had walked in this place before.
It was more than I could deal with. I just wanted it to go away.
It took a while to even pray about it. But when I got there, I prayed a lot.
Weeks later, when this person and I met face to face, God had gone before me. And while there was nothing on the surface but kind words and a sweet smile, I knew there was also something in front of me that was dark and wanted to bring me harm. This became a serious issue in my life.
However, what has come out this time, what God has revealed to me since is this...
The spiritual battle going on around us is not to be taken lightly. We are told to put on the armor of God for a reason. Ephesians 6:10-15. Multiple times over the last few years I've questioned God concerning things that didn't feel right in my spirit. Understanding God's truth and having his discernment has been the topic of much conversation between the Lord and I.
So this time when I asked him, "What is this about, Lord?" His words were clear. "I'm showing you what it's about."
As I pondered this, I knew that God had allowed me to experience something spiritually dark because I needed to know of it's power and learn how to pray.
The next week in small group the word of the night was, "vulnerable." Our men were preparing for a weekend retreat and we talked and prayed about the importance of being vulnerable before the Lord. That word and image stayed with me for a long time.
A little over a week later, God brought all of it to a close as I was meditating over this scripture.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10. So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Theologians may disagree on what Paul's "thorn in the flesh" was, but Paul's torment was great enough for him to ask God to remove it 3 times. God, however, kept it there so that Paul would not become conceited.
It is not a coincidence that I received this Scripture on Sunday at a church I don't normally attend. God got me there because he wanted me to hear this word. This is who God is.
He then went on to remind me of my own prideful words. I had spoken them to my husband and my daughter. They went something like this. "Maybe "so and so" should spend some time in God's word. I spend more time in it than anyone I know and you don't see Satan wrecking havoc over me."
Then God tied it all up with the word from our small group. "You didn't think you were "vulnerable" to something like this." He told me. "I needed to show you that you were."
Wow God...Okay. You got my attention and now I give you my repentance.
I am vulnerable, but you are great in power and in love.
Over the last couple years I have been seeking God more intimately than ever before and as I dig deeper into Scripture I am more and more fascinated. As questions arise, and they constantly do, I am thankful for the work of Bible commentators and Bible teachers. But more than that, I am thankful for the fresh revelations that have come to me through the work of the Holy Spirit.
Without going into too much detail, I want to share something that happened recently as well as what God spoke to me in the process.
But, before I do, I need you to understand that I am not one of those people who gives the enemy more credit than he deserves and I have never been one to sit too long in the spiritual realm. Simply, I have never been comfortable there.
Here is an example. I have a friend who, when I ask her how she is, her answer is always that she is under attack by Satan. I pray for her. But my inward response is different. I don't usually say what I am thinking out loud, but it goes something like this. "Why does the enemy have so much power over you?! What are you reading, watching, saying? Where is your focus? Is your heart pure?
Then I would ask myself, Isn't it through our own sin that Satan gets his foot in the door in the first place?
Here is another example. Paul and I have other friends who travels to Africa frequently and pray for the natives to be free from bondage to the demonic. My skin starts to tingle just listening to the stories they tell, and I find myself silently saying, Thank you Jesus. Thank you that you haven't called me to that ministry. Here, I know, is where it might be time for me to examine my own heart.
I have another friend who has seen Angels. "I want that, Lord!" I said when she told me. Can you imagine? Then I find out that she also sometimes sees demons and my prayer instantly transformed. "Never mind about what I said, Lord." I told him. "If seeing Angels goes hand in hand with seeing the armies of Satan then I change my mind."
In my early years as a Christian I often walked blindly into things because of my desire to know God more. I went with women to conferences that I really knew nothing about and before I knew what was happening, I was right in the midst of things that simply did not feel right in my spirit and I did not want to be a part of them.
I began to wonder if something was wrong with me. There was, after all, a huge room full of women that thought everything going on around us was fine. In seeking answers to these uncomfortable things, I prayed fervently and started to study the Bible.
That is where I settled. It has been the one constant in my life. My desire to understand God's word and His truth has never waned. It is my center, and He continues to draw me back for more.
In my desire, God orchestrated what I needed and when I needed it. He has used them to draw me always back to Jesus, and breath new life into these broken dry bones.
Now that you have a little more of my history I'll share what brought me to write this post. Several months ago, I found myself in the presence of a woman who I had never seen and did not know but when she looked at me, the hair stood up on my arms. Something in my spirit stirred wildly, and I wanted to get as far from her as I could. This was a "church" event which made it all the more disconcerting. I couldn't shake it, and as the feeling lingered, I could do nothing but lay it down in prayer. "What was really weird, Lord. Really weird. What was that?"
It happened again months later when I saw the women a second time. This encounter was brief but just as powerful. I have not seen the woman again.
Now, it's a few months later, and in a casual conversation I am told about a woman who has been hired for a job. This job affects my life only indirectly. I did not know this person, and had never seen them at this point. (Sorry to be so vague, but I feel it's necessary.)
As this conversation continued, something happened. The best description I can give you is that something came on me. I got scared, and then enraged. It was powerful.
I felt out of control and crazy. I was in a very uncomfortable, unfamiliar place and yet, going off inside me along with the danger alarm, was a vague reminder that I had walked in this place before.
It was more than I could deal with. I just wanted it to go away.
It took a while to even pray about it. But when I got there, I prayed a lot.
Weeks later, when this person and I met face to face, God had gone before me. And while there was nothing on the surface but kind words and a sweet smile, I knew there was also something in front of me that was dark and wanted to bring me harm. This became a serious issue in my life.
However, what has come out this time, what God has revealed to me since is this...
The spiritual battle going on around us is not to be taken lightly. We are told to put on the armor of God for a reason. Ephesians 6:10-15. Multiple times over the last few years I've questioned God concerning things that didn't feel right in my spirit. Understanding God's truth and having his discernment has been the topic of much conversation between the Lord and I.
So this time when I asked him, "What is this about, Lord?" His words were clear. "I'm showing you what it's about."
As I pondered this, I knew that God had allowed me to experience something spiritually dark because I needed to know of it's power and learn how to pray.
The next week in small group the word of the night was, "vulnerable." Our men were preparing for a weekend retreat and we talked and prayed about the importance of being vulnerable before the Lord. That word and image stayed with me for a long time.
A little over a week later, God brought all of it to a close as I was meditating over this scripture.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10. So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Theologians may disagree on what Paul's "thorn in the flesh" was, but Paul's torment was great enough for him to ask God to remove it 3 times. God, however, kept it there so that Paul would not become conceited.
It is not a coincidence that I received this Scripture on Sunday at a church I don't normally attend. God got me there because he wanted me to hear this word. This is who God is.
He then went on to remind me of my own prideful words. I had spoken them to my husband and my daughter. They went something like this. "Maybe "so and so" should spend some time in God's word. I spend more time in it than anyone I know and you don't see Satan wrecking havoc over me."
Then God tied it all up with the word from our small group. "You didn't think you were "vulnerable" to something like this." He told me. "I needed to show you that you were."
Wow God...Okay. You got my attention and now I give you my repentance.
I am vulnerable, but you are great in power and in love.
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