Sunday, October 9, 2016

It's time...

     On the night of this second political debate, with only weeks until the United States of America picks a new President to lead our country, I am at a loss.
     Confession... I've never been political. In fact, if you asked me how I felt about politics,  I would tell you that I think it is currupt. I would then say that I had a very real dream about my 22 year-old nephew becoming a Senator in Texas and that I'm waiting for him to change the world.
     But all my life, as I think back over the passionate talks my mother and father had. I remember the great debates of my husband, first born daughter, and my son, and I've  often wondered what's wrong with me. Why aren't I passionate? Why don't I care?
     My mother and father raised four children. My brother Ron is 11 months older. He was my best childhood buddy and we were born in the same calendar year.  I'm the second oldest. The oldest of three girls born after.
     Whether this is relevant to my birth order or not, know that I listened to every conversation my parents ever had that I could get close enough to hear. We were Catholic, from both sides,  and I remember passionate and emotional discussions about the Kennedys, and birth control, and the way the world was turning. My mother and father became Democrats because of the Kennedy campaign. They had a genuine and integral belief that he was going to change the world.
     The day he was killed, the principle of our school arrived at the door of my Kindergardern class. He had tears in his eyes as he whispered into the ear of my teacher,  Mrs. Young. I knew something was very wrong as I watched tears form in her eyes also. After a moment, she told us that the President had been shot, and we were all going home.
      I don't really remember going home, but I assume my brother Ron and I walked  home together. What I do remember is walking in the door and finding Mom on her knees in front of the television weeping.
     I was 5. But I loved John F. Kennedy because my mother loved him.  She made beautiful clothes that looked like the clothes Jackie Kennedy wore. We all  believedin them. All of us.
     As children, we watch, listen and learn.
     It was many years later when the truth about JFK was revealed. His blatant infidelities, the politics of hiding it all, the scandal. I think that was the moment for me.  I was a young Mom. I think it was then that I gave up and no longer believed.
     I was a child in the sixties and it was a crazy time in the world. The Vietnam War.  Woodstock. Martin Luther King. The Klu Klux Clan. Revolution and mayhem was happening everywhere.  I was a child, but a young woman was forming inside me too. I began thinking for myself, questioning,  wondering.
      And so now here I am, more than 50 years later reminiscing on the night of this 2016 political debate.
     I sit on my back porch writing this as Paul pops his head out. "Honey, it's getting pretty ugly. I just texted Uncle Todd and..."
     And so now,  I'm hoping to make you laugh a little, but this is the truth.
     Confession number 2... I watch a show called, "Toddlers and Tiaras." It's a crazy show about a crazy world of little beauty queens. And it's often, much more about the Mothers than it is about the precious darlings in the pageant. I cant, however, stop watching it. The reason? In a different life, I could have been one of these Moms. Thankfully,  God knew this and saved ReAnnon and I both. But know this...my first-born daughter was a stunning little girl. She was a beauty,  and in Oklahoma, beauty queens are pretty big deal.
      I'm closing with this, because in the last few episodes of the show these little girls rag on Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton, based on their family's political views. They state as fact what they hear at home and it makes me smile but also reminds me of a little girl who listened to conversations just like these.
     My parents talked with passion, and hope. There were wanting conversations about goodnees, and  righteous and change.
     So to end this, I just find myself thankful.  Thankful that God is greater than Donald or Hillary and all that is ugly in the world.  He saved me from becoming a "Toddlers and Tiaras" Mom, and He will save us through this election. I know His Sovergnicy goes beyond this moment in time.
     But as I study Heaven, it sure looks good. Some days more than others.
   But until then, may God bless America and help us all!
    
    

Monday, August 8, 2016

Three little sisters and a brother...

     Once upon a time, in a place called Oklahoma, there were three little sisters and one older brother who rode bikes without helmets. They had turtle races, caught amazing fat toads, played in the street without shoes until dark, and laid in the grass and stared at the sky. They danced on tables, sang, caught fireflies and put them in Miracle whip jars and sat them beside their beds as nightlights on warm summer nights. They laughed and cried. They scratched and pulled hair. They hugged and played. They were a family. 
    When the sisters and the brother grew into young woman and men, they each got married and moved away from the place they had laughed and cried and played and loved. 
     Years went by and the sisters and brother missed each other, but life moved forward as a new generation of family was born.
     Each of them had three babies. Each of the sisters, two daughters and a son. The brother, two sons and a daughter.
     And now, these daughters and sons are growing a third generation of little boys and little girls into a family. Brothers, sisters, and cousins who love each are having little boys and little girls who too will dance on tables, play games, catch Pokeman, pull each other's hair, and snapchat.
   And in the heart of this oldest sister lies a hope that these new sweet babies will also one day have the pure joy of catching fat toads, chasing lizards, find themselves with a mayonnaise jar of fireflies on their bedside table on a summer night, and stare up into clouds and find rabbits. May they lay under the stars on a warm summer night and dream.      
#lifeandlove #familiesandredemption
#athirdgenerationgrows

Friday, March 11, 2016

Red lips and Ribbons

       You're just inside the in-between. There but not there. So you stand on the line steady your feet and feel your way wearing red lips and ribbons.  You breathe deep and look to the side from where you came knowing the ribbon should really be tucked in the back of your little girl drawer, but you’re not ready for that.  This is okay. Don’t be ready for that.
     Some run ahead on the line so fast never missing a step and you stand here covered in the wake of their dust… but you blow it off, pop those red lips, and touch the ribbon in your hair. 
     I get close enough to see you standing wobbly on the line and I try to remember… but in the remembering what I really want to do is run to the line and knock you off.  I want to push you back onto the playground where little boys and girls live.
     It’s a stupid naïve thought. I know this and you would not stay there even if I did because you can’t stay there, no one can stay there…and yet…I wish you could and I think it all the same.  Just for a little while longer, Please!  Just a little while longer.
     But you climb back up and brush off the dirt determined to take back your place in the line because it’s your time and you have to walk it whether you are ready or not…so...
     "Stop looking at me."
     "You're in my way. Move."
     "Why are you talking to me?  You don’t know me."
     "Who are you anyway?"
    
      The person asking the last question suddenly falls in beside me.  “Me?" I ask. " I'm just a person trying to find my way," I say,  "same as you." I take another step. "I'm just walkin’ the line." 
     "You don't look like you belong here." He said.
     " I know." I reply. "Sometimes I feel like I don't belong here either." We walk a beat. "But I'm doing it. Doing it again, I should say. But it feels really different this time. It's been awhile. This feels like a foreign land."
     There is a few moments of quiet between us, then I point and say, "I was way up there, you know. Almost to the very end of this road." I pause a moment, "And then I got moved back here with you guys." Another pause. "This is hard for me too. I’m trippin' and brushin’ myself off  just like you." I pause again. "But this time...I can't even remember having a hair ribbon."
     “And you..." I say as another walks up and falls into the rhythm of our pace, "You have the attitude...the pretty face... you're so cool just chillin'."
     He smiles and winks in agreement. 
     "Wake up!”  I shout.  "Stop acting like a child and thinking you're so cute it's all that matters."
     He stiffens. "You're not that cute," I tell him. “And there is a quarter-horse inside you and I know you know it. I know you feel it stirring."
     He gives me a puzzled yet knowing look.
     "You were born to run." I tell him, "So step it up. Impress me!"
      He doesn't like my words so his long legs stretch his stride but I know that he is pondering our conversation.
     There is pushing and shoving around me now as this group I walk with struggle to find their place in a herd of, "Children No More.”
     Not quite steady on their feet but want so much to find their way with strength and grace.  I want to believe that when they bloom they will take our breath away and bring tears to our eyes. 
     Until then...I hope they know how amazing they are.  How fascinating.  How beautiful.   
     So let me walk this line with you and see you wear red lips and ribbons just a little bit longer.
     Please.
     Real life comes soon enough. 

Sunday, February 28, 2016

A moment in the life of a girl

A little girl stood behind the backstop...her fingers looped inside the chain link fence.
     And as it grew dark the field lit up and there he was...standing on the pitchers mound.
    A moment that took her breath away.
    The little girl saw him every day and yet...she knew now that she really saw him. Intense, powerful, confident, handsome...
     And in a moment he became so much more than just her Dad.  He was now and forever after... her Hero.
     Later, when it was time for a treat, the little girl stood in a concession line. "The pitcher's my Dad," she said as she pointed. "He's my Dad."

Monday, February 15, 2016

I choose this...

I have to choose. Everyday I have to choose because bad news comes and then more bad news and then more. I dont want to hear it so I don't listen. I turn off the news. But then it comes anyway too close to home. A nieces baby full of cancer. A father who exampled strength and hardwork facing cancer for the fourth time. My father...and I know he can't have much fight left.  Cancer on skin I touch and know so well...cutting, burning, waiting.
  I don't want to think about. Dont know what to say, so I pray and work and walk.
I listen to music and read and watch TV and take care of business and then pray more but it's all still there and it's ugly and it hurts and I hate cancer.
  But in the moments...those moments when I open my eyes to really see, when I quiet my mind and surrender my heart  God takes them captive and puts this in the sky and I know...
  I know he has answers to every hard thing. Every one.
   So I choose this.
   Blind Faith? No! Can't you see?
   I choose the promises of a God who makes mountains and paints sky.
   I will cry but I will trust Him and I will choose Him.
   I will choose this.